When you look at your roster of failed relationships, you might be tempted to want to use mental Wite-Out to forget about the partners of your past that were anything but right for your future. But before you toss them in the mistake section of your brain, consider them as stepping stones toward you finding the right person to be with.
Rori Sassoon, a relationship expert and CEO of the matchmaking service, Platinum Poire, believes in having your fair share of romantic relationships before settling down, especially because there are some things you should experience before saying “I Do.”
Playing the field, Sassoon says, is important because experiencing the ups and downs of relationships will help you be successful in a future long-term relationship.
But when it comes to how many relationships you should have before you tie the knot, some relationship experts suggest you have quite a few.
“I would recommend having around 8-10 romantic relationships before deciding to settle down, says Dr. Wyatt Fisher, a licensed psychologist and marriage counselor. “That amount would give you a lot of experiences on what types of things you need in a relationship and in a partner to feel happy and satisfied. Therefore, the experiences will provide keener discernment on who to select for a more serious, long-term relationship.”
Whether or not you’ve had a bunch of romantic relationships might not matter as much as how well you know yourself and what you want out of a relationship.
Kevin Darné, the author of My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany), says when it comes to love and relationships most of us actually fail our way to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat.
“Having gone through failed relationships is actually what leads us to craft our own mate selection screening process or ‘must haves list’,” says Darné. “We also get better at recognizing the difference between infatuation and love.”
Have 8 relationships or 3, 20 or 5, because in the end, Darné says it’s important to find the person you’re supposed to be with, and that can take time.
“As important as compatibility is it’s also important to know if you can put up with each other’s differences, boundaries, and ‘deal breakers’.”